Many Ways To Say Goodbye
by Jatd4ever
Summary: "We never should have met" That is what I would like to tell myself, but I know that is not true (Jane/Gunther) A poem fic


***I do not own and the Dragon or its characters**

 **This is many things, perhaps broken hearted torment, perhaps a rant, but I channeled it into this. A Jane/Gunther poem fic**

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The image of you faces my wayward thoughts, challenging me to a dual

 _"We never should have met_ " That is what I would like to tell myself, but I know that is not true

Your figure circles around me, goading me, words falling upon me

A marriage of taunts and argument clouded our air

Clashing spirits, and silver eyes, you met me with endless surprise

Meeting you has been the greatest adventure

We were two people who watched the world move while we stood still

In different paces, in different circumstance, we were the same, ignored for who we are, for who we used to be

Sometimes your eyes held seclusion, a place to hide, secluded from anyone who was not you

No one could intrude on your safe place, hidden away in the depths of anger and indifference

And if you were alone, I would make sure you were not lonely

I held you with my eyes, and I kissed your exalted air

In your own words, I heard myself speak

Help me, see me, do not forget who I am

When your thoughts matched mine, it almost frightened me

But everything that I thought I hated was exhilarating in the most peculiar way

Drown me in poppies, rain down upon me rose stems

Thorns so sharp, it was hard to be near you

You found solace in an endless dream, dreaming of a place that did not exist

Your disposition could have made cats sing, and ravens land at your feet

The world stood still when I saw my reflection in your eyes

Equality, similarity, competition, it was our dance

But that was like a scrape to the knee, I could handle it

Ugly scars, hurtful words, like a slap to the face, I could handle those too

And yet, our strategy was misplaced

I can still see the beautiful man who longed for warmth, but feared to touch it thinking he would die

I changed your mind, but we can never be together

If I were I were to ask my mother what I should do, she would tell me the past is the past and being a knight was more trouble than there was to be gained. At such a response I would roll my eyes and forgive her after a moments time for her closed mindedness

How will I forget? How will I tune out the noise?

Is there not more to this life then living a friendly lie?

I walk on shards of devastation

A short sword took away your life, a shield protected mine

I will be alright I tell myself, no more strife, no more hardship

And yet, who says a knight cannot cry when they remember all their past goodbyes?

Nay, not I, for it is human nature

Is it an unspoken rule?

Whoever knows is at liberty to tell me, though I do not think it would matter.

To have cries turn to whispers in the wind is an insult and a blessing.

I still remember the times the lights danced in the sky and you would fill my ignorance with tales of trips on the sea.

I also remember how there were times when my hair had been drenched with what was not water

How is it my memories have not carried me away already?

Waves hitting the sand have more peace then I, and if only I was like them and could say goodbye.

I think about you as I walk the rough beaches bare footed and bare minded

And if sharp mollusks would cut up my feet, then that would hurt less then a day without you

I would rather have ravens peck out my eyes and have you alive

And wish the next ship in the harbor would have you in it

How soon can I forget? How long till I do not remember?

My memory just does not go away

Will you forgive me? Will you forgive me?

My cries fall on deaf ears and death took your ears

If death could have been mine then you could have been here

I am too late, I was late before we began

What if we met before we had intended to? Perhaps things would have been different

It is said a disciplined mind and disciplined body would therefore discipline my heart

Though I know you would laugh if such a falsehood was uttered and I would have been angered by it though not for long

Laughter is not mine, this heart is not mine, they would have been yours if you held a shield

Should I just laugh and forget the whole thing?

If only things were so simple

Passing your home on the town square is like a stab, and it is a misfortune to pass it

And that spot behind the castle wall which was our secret place is nothing more then a memory now

Memories of you are a plague of despair, your image a parasite in my heart

Why realty is more cruel then fantasy is a mystery that I cannot understand, though it is the stuff ballads are made of

To be hated by you would have been better then not having you alive

For being alive is hard, and living is not living without your presence

But as long as I remain, I will pretend we never met

For if we never met, then I would not hurt, and you would not have died

But you cannot forgive me, but I can forgive you

I have too much time I now

If I would have told you that, then you would have complained like you always did that I had things too easy

Perhaps you were right, but I would not have admitted that since that smirk of yours drove me to madness.

You were every bit annoying and yet, that was your treasure

I do not weep because I miss you, but I weep because you are not here


End file.
